Playing Poker with Einsteins

When you’re losing, don’t you wish you could do something about it? Don’t you wish you could actually make one of those flushes or straights? Don’t you wish you could look down at your cards just once and see that you’ve finally got the nuts? Of course you do. Who doesn’t?

But as much as you wish, sometimes you can go hours without making a hand, and when you finally do, it gets beat.

Now let me ask you something. What kind of loser are you? The kind who sits back and tries to gut it out? The type who just waits patiently for the luck to change? The kind who says it can’t last forever and believes that if he just hangs in there and plays his best game, he’ll get his chance? Or are you the player who does something about it, the one who takes control of things, instead of letting things control him? And I’m not talking about going on tilt and heading to a place like wonderino betrug, turning to online casino games, and betting wildly. No, I mean the kind of player who says, “I’m not making any hands, and I’m going to put a stop to this. I’m going to take action, and here’s how: I’m going to move to a luckier seat or tell the dealer to change the cards.”

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When I’m running bad, I never ask for a change of cards. And the only time I change seats is for reasons of comfort or to position myself behind an aggressive player. Am I making a mistake? Am I blowing countless opportunities to change my luck for the better? Am I costing myself thousands of dollars each year?

I don’t know. I never thought so, but I’ve seen so many people doing these things that I’m beginning to wonder if they know something. They make so many dealer requests and change seats so often that there must be something to it. One person I play with regularly must be the world record holder of dealer requests. Let’s call him Archie. Once, I saw Archie ask for a deck change after winning the pot. Yup, he was the big blind in a lowball game and got a walk, but his hand was full of face cards so he requested a new deck.

While Archie may be an extreme example, changing cards and moving seats have become so common that I had to investigate this behavior further. I decided to research these actions thoroughly to determine once and for all if there was any validity to them.

After many brain-racking hours of forming hypotheses and running trials, I discovered the answer. It astonished me. There actually is intelligence behind these superstitions – high-level intelligence. Allow me to explain.

As we all know, earnings are the bottom line to any poker player. So the question I asked was this: Does changing cards and moving seats increase one’s net earnings? To obtain the answer, I had to look at this question scientifically. If my hypothesis was correct, there had to exist a mathematical equation that would show us a direct relationship between amount of earnings, moving seats, and dealer requests. Such an equation would read something like this:

Earnings equals moving seats times changing cards.” I took some time to analyze this. Does it make sense? At first, I didn’t think so, but I decided to stick with it for a while. To simplify things, I let the variable “E” stand for earnings, “m” for moving seats, and “cc” stand for changing cards. In its simplified form, the equation now read “E = mcc” or, “E = mc².”

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I couldn’t believe it. But there it was, right in front of my eyes. Einstein’s theory of special relativity, E = mc². If that doesn’t represent high-level intelligence, then I don’t know what does. The players whom I’d always considered crazy weren’t nuts after all. Wow! Can looks be deceiving.

Maybe a lot of other things also make sense when you analyze them. Like the electoral college. Maybe it’s based off the theories of Newton or Galileo. Hmm. I’ll get back to you on this one.

About Jake and Jeff Gould

Jake is a young writer born and raised in Los Angeles who currently works as a real estate agent at Commercial Brokers International. Jake was playing cards before he could even speak, being indoctrinated into a poker family where his father, Jeff, has been a regular at Commerce Casino for over 30 years.

As an uproarious duo, Jake teams up with his father to offer a comedic dive into the everyday misadventures and brutal realities that we’re all too familiar with at the poker table. With his writings, Jake hopes to inspire his peers to become the next generation of card players.

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